I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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