Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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