Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
