6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
