I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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