goodnight i made you a song goodbye
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
so let's talk penis.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
