Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
