She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Randomize
