just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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