Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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