I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
