; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
handjob tips. give me some.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
