Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
