Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
