okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
