One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
