I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize