finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
