saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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