I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
