I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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