I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
