Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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