I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
