you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
