You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
you had me at cake vodka
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I'm way too hungover for life right now
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
