sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
