Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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