You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Randomize