I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize