Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
