Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
