They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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