I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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