Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I need to stop coming to work sober
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
