dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
