The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
