Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
