Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
My brain says no but my pants say off.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
