If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize