she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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