how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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