how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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