i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
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