They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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