Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
high people should be assigned attendants
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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