I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize