you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
This beer is not sobering me up at all
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
