No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Randomize
