ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize