Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
