Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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