Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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