first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
