i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Randomize
