Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I'm just crazy horny about you
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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