My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
