you would pick up someone in the library
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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