hotel room ftw
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
