I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
