u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
