my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize