garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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