he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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