don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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