There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
