Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Randomize
